Shaddup Already!

School safety is the priority, so you must make sure that you are doing your supervisory hall duty.

Let me once again remind you that we are focusing on student learning this year.

With rising fuel costs, it is imperative that you conserve energy by only using half of your classroom lights, not opening windows and keeping doors closed at all times.

Since we are focusing on student learning this year, you must not allow your students to wait in the hall. You may not leave them in the classroom unsupervised, and please be vigilant in your supervisory hall duties.

In addition, the fire marshall has removed all doorstops because they pose a fire hazard. No one can quite clarify what fire hazard they pose, but it doesn't really matter because we want your doors closed at all times.

We are focusing on student learning this year, so make sure your students are getting straight to work once they enter your room with the door closed while you are supervising hallways and make sure the students are completely under control at all times.

Since we are focusing on student learning, it is imperative that teachers do not wear tank tops, flip flops or chew gum. In fact, you should all wear turtle neck sweaters while we turn the thermostat up in order to conserve energy.

Make sure you do not drip sweat on the floor as this might pose a hazard, which would require attention that will cost us money.

We are, after all, focusing on student learning this year.

I demand ask that you use the new computer program that teaches to the test.

We understand that some of the classrooms are equipped with outdated and slow technology equipment. Your elusive helpful technology advisors will be around to help further equip computers to help with their operating speed

Unfortunately, these updates only have a life expectancy of 2-3 years, but we do expect to have received the guinea pigs and their respective wheels, which run slower, but have a longer life expectancy.

This year, we're focusing on student learning, so you may expect to be pulled from your classroom frequently for inservice training opportunities.

During these times we will pay for substitute teachers to cover your class. It is a small price to pay to insure student learning. Of course these subs are illiterate, but they are breathing--usually.

These highlights are null and void for the teachers who I brought with me from my last school. Since they are the only 6 people who supported me last year, I will support their prostitute-dress and complete inability to teach. I will even overlook the behavior that caused some of them to be banned from having their own classroom. Really, what's a little porn between colleagues?