Shaddup Already!


Teaching Bliss

My 8th period class is driving me absolutely insane. They are a bunch of snippy, whiny-babies. It seems they are either asserting independence or asking ridiculous questions in search of someone to hold their hand every step of the way.

Generally by this time of the year, we see less of the neediness. Not in this class. And half of it comes from not listening. The other half comes from being incapable of doing anything alone.

So the other day I gave them a proofreading worksheet. I told them the directions and then said I wanted them to work independently. I inofrmed them of how many errors there were and how many of them I was counting (30 out of 40).

So they start working. . .

. . .and talking.

Um, what part of do this on your own don't you understand?

They take this as a sign to start asking me questions.

J: I don't get this.

Me: You say that for every single assignment I give you. Then you go on and do it nearly perfectly without any help from me. You just want me to hold your hand.

Class, I am not answering any hand-holding questions. Do the best you can. There are dictionaries, thesaruses and grammar books if you need to refer to them.

L: How do you spell elephant?

Me: I don't know. Check the dictionary.

D: Is this correct?

Me: I don't know. You can check a grammar book.

C: What does drop dead mean?

Me (incredulous): Dictionary

C: It's not in here.

Me: Is it one word?

C: No, two.

Me: then look them up

C: I found both words and it doesn't make sense.

Me: If I told you to "drop dead" what would that mean?

(The class snickers and practically explodes because I just told a student to drop dead--and the only reason I addressed the question is that I REALLY wanted to say those words to him.)

C: I don't know.

Me: You're spending an awful lot of time on that one phrase. Have you found all the other mistakes?

C: No, I didn't want to miss this one.

(FYI, there was absolutely no error involved in the vicinity of the drop dead phrase)

Me: Keep looking then.

H: How do you spell absent?

Me: d-i-c-t-i-o-n-a-r-y

C: Hey! You answered her question, but not mine!

Me: Remind me again why I get up each morning and come here.

P: so you can come teach the non-direction-listening students

(P has been working silently and independently for the duration of the class)

C: For the money.

Me: (laughing hysterically)

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