Shaddup Already!


Joint Revolution

Have you ever had the experience of taking a child or animals to the doctor because they were sick, only to have them act perfectly normal upon entering the door?

Yeah, well, I had that experience today. Only it wasn't a child or dog that made a mockery of me--it was my own knee! Can you imagine my disappointment and embarrassment when a part of my own body decided to turn against me.

My knee has been bugging me for months. It started with an accident that makes me look even more foolish than my doctor appointment today. What the hell, I'll share.

Back in the early days in Topeka I still toyed with the idea that Atticus might be able to be a leash-free dog and run my new acquired 3 acres. This was B.D. (before Dill). So one day I couldn't get Atty to come back to me. I was weary of trekking down to the back neighbor's property to haul his sorry ass away from the dogs that were aching to eat him ("but mom, I want to play!"), so I decided that, if I ran to the door, Atticus would want to join my game and come after me. It was freaking brilliant.

So, I took my plus-sized body for a little run. I was flying! It was amazing. I spied the rock border and knew that I could gracefully clear it. It would be as though I were a child again.

It's amazing how quickly those fantasies of actually being able to use one's body with elegance and grace come thudding to an end. I caught my toe on a rock. I fell on my knee--just my knee. On my gravel drive. Now this isn't those delicately rounded pea-sized pieces of rock either. We're talking huge, honking pieces of sharp granite/shale/some other mysteriously hard substance.

I almost passed out. It hurt. Atticus saw me, wanted to try this new game, came running up and sniffed my face. I couldn't care less. He saw that this game wasn't nearly as much fun as he thought it would be, so he turned tail and ran.

Combine that injury with the unfortunate, late-night, remote-smashing incident in my early, pre-furniture (lawn chairs just aren't as stable as they used to be) days here and my knee has taken a beating.

Lately it's developed this uncomfortable (i.e. Fucking Painful) habit of locking up on me. I finally had enough and saw my doctor about it. This has led to the onslaught of specialist referrals and diagnostics.

I saw the orthopedist this morning. My knee hadn't really hurt since I made this appointment a week ago. It wasn't hurting this morning. He manipulated my knee and kept asking "does that hurt?" Nope. Not even a little click. Nothing. Then he gets to "the movement that gets everyone" and again, nothing. Well, it did feel as though it was going to lock up, but never did.

I wonder if this doctor believes I've made all this up. At any rate, he's scheduled an MRI for next week, then a follow-up visit because "it sounds like a torn meniscus, but usually that last movement can duplicate the catching."

While waiting for someone to come in with my MRI appointment, the knee started hurting. It progressed to shooting pains by the time I got to my second destination. I just wanted to go find this doctor and show him that it does really, truly hurt.

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