Shaddup Already!


Tis the Season

to be testing,
fa la la la la la la la la

The FCAT starts tomorrow and it promises to be a long, mind-numbing day indeed.

I really feel bad for the kids. I would like to propose that policy makers be put in a room where they can only face forward in uncomfortable desks. The room will be drab an uninspiring because anything and everything that might possibly be a clue to how to answer a question must be removed--that includes the exit sign. They'll be required to maintain a distance of at least 3 feet between them and any other person in the room. If that is impossible, then a cardboard divider must be placed between them.

Then we'll make them read passage after passage of informational articles and poems that have absolutely nothing to do with their interests or their lives. After that, come the questions. These questions will have two answers that educated professionals could argue are correct. They will be forced to choose one of these answers that has arbitrarily described as "correct."

Once they're done, they will have their test and pencils removed from them. They will then have to sit and wait for the remaining time to elapse. They will not be allowed to do anything but sit there and face forward--heaven help them if they make a sound.

We'll give them a five minute break, during which they will not be allowed to go to the restroom, get a drink of water or snack on anything.

When the five minutes are up, they will be forced to sit for another hour reading more dry passages and poetry and answering ambiguous questions. And again, they will be forced to sit when they are done and do absolutely nothing.

We'll bring them back in the next day for another four hours of hell consisting of passing out materials, listening to scripted directions and (this time) answering math questions in a confusing gridded response system.

To top it off, we will make sure these policy makers understand that if they get even the slightest question wrong, they are complete and utter failures. They will know that their very livelihood and self-respect rely on this single moment in time. Every decent action they've taken up to this point will be moot, because it's all about the test.

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