Shaddup Already!


Dear Asshole Neighbor,

You are an idiot. You know nothing about dog behavior and you are irritating beyond belief.

Yes, my dog barks. Yes, it is often at inopportune times. I am working with him on this. He is still a pup who has a lot to learn. The difference between you and him is that he will learn.

You cannot expect a dog to listen to five other dogs in the 'hood bark and not be tempted to respond. It is his civic duty, lest there be dalmation puppies stolen by a heartless woman who wants a dogskin coat. I am working with him on the difference between emergency and loudmouth. Something I sincerely doubt you will ever understand.

When my dog is barking, I will take care of it. Not because I care about your precious place in this world, but because the barking irritates me. In addition, there are many an innocent person who should not be subjected to barking late at night or early in the morning.

You, on the other hand, have fully earned a loud, barking dog biting you on the ass. If I had my 'druthers, I'd bring my dog to your front door and have him bark in your face between the hours of 4:00 and 8:00 am AND between the hours of 11:00pm and 3:00am.

You, Mr. Moron, need to understand something. When a dog barks, he wants to communicate. When an obnoxious, blight on the face of the earth a neighbor yells at said dog, he thinks this is a fun new game. He will respond.

If he doesn't think you're talking with him, he will assume you want to hurt his family and he will respond.

You will never acheive neighbor of the year anything with your bullshit training tactics. Please let me deal with my dog and keep your stinkin' "SHUT UP!!!!!" to yourself.

The neighbor whose dog is cuter than yours.

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