Shaddup Already!


An Homage to Firecrackers

As the 4th of July nears, so too the popping sounds increase. I figure my neighbors all over having coversations such as these:

June 28th

Mawma, whadya say we take sum of these here farcrackers and blow 'em up? Whoo-hoo! That-there's a mess of explosives your papa gotcha!

June 30th

Mawma, I jus' scored mysef sum licker. Why donchu jus' put sum whiskey in junyer's bottle and let's have oursefs a little partee out-o-doors?

July 2nd

Mawma, tha' boy junyer is jus' sproutin' up faster than a barn full 'o rabbits. Le's jus' give 'im a match and let 'im play wit these suckas?

July 3rd

Whoo-hoo! I jus' scored a whole buncha farcrackers, Mawma! I tol' you sellin' farwood in flowreeda was a good investmen'. I bet we could blow up the whole, stinkin' 12 pack wit' these! Too bad junyer's still in the hospitell. I tol' them docs to jus' spread butter on those burns!

I can only anticipate what joys of the explosive nature tomorrow will bring. Happy fricking Birthday America--to celebrate, we're going to purchase, light and explode things made in China. If that ain't American, I don't know what is.

Help end world hunger