Shaddup Already!


Farnangle your doppidy

My sister asked me to drop the nephews off at their respective day camps on Wednesday. That meant that I would have to get up at the ungodly hour of 6:00. In the morning.

I had my sister call me because I wasn't sure I could trust myself to get up. When she called, I got the shock of my life.

See, I'm a teacher. That means that I get June and July off from work. I naturally assumed that the entire world was put into my schedule at that time. So imagine my stunned disbelief to see that the sun was actually rising around 6:00. In the morning. Seriously, I figured it came up sometime around 1:00. In the afternoon.

Anyway, I digress. . .

. . .frequently.

I got to my sister's house and got the nephews arranged in the car and settled in for a drive directly towards that rising sun I mentioned earlier.

My eldest nephew, J, was sitting up front with his Gameboy. He's 7 and really growing up too fast. The young'un was in the back seat. G is 4 and still seems quite young. J was always more advanced than his peers. My sister jokes that J is going to any college he wants on a full-ride academic scholarship, while G better learn how to play football. Personally, we all think that G knows a bunch of stuff, but he's too damned obstinate to give us the satisfaction of knowing that he knows it.

A typical conversation with G goes like this:

Aunt Chelle: What letter does 'Mommy' start with?
G: Don't know.
AC: Try
G: S
AC: Listen, 'muh-mommy.' What letter sounds like 'muh?"
G: M
AC: Good! What letter does 'muh-mommy' start with?
G: S

Look, I'm digressing. . . .

. . . .again.

Okay, so we're in the car and J starts a steady stream of conversation about Pokemon. I haven't got a clue what he's saying and I'm too focused on driving while in my fuzzy, half-asleep state of mind to really care. Meanwhile, G is in the back seat, behaving himself quite nicely (which is a minor miracle) and getting drowned out by J. I actually looked forward to G piping up with some comment because I could understand what he was saying.

J: Aunt Chelle?

AC: Hmmm?

J: Dopdiddy is supposed to be my strongest Pokemon, but he isn't.
AC: That's nice.

J: He can't glidlebak on farschnagle 'cuz I haven't trained him. You have to train them. Beschlittle is supposed to be weak, but he beat the best trainer because he can gluffbagle. You know what, Aunt Chelle?

AC: What?

J: You wanna hear something stoopid? When a Pokemon gets confused he kills himself. Have you ever heard of anything so stoopid? Killing yourself just because you don't know what to do?

AC: (said silently to myself) yes, J, many, many people actually kill themselves because they don't know what to do.

J: I have to battle three trainers. Glidlleblast has to fly bagleschnop and doobangle down on heflyflump. . .

G: Aunt Chelle!

J: Look how far I got! (shoves game over in front of my face)

AC: I can't look, I'm driving. What G?

G: Aunt Chelle!

AC: What?

G: At this light, turn left!

J: Then flimlyhop darnagled my doppidy and flishled. . .

AC: No, G, I have to turn right.

J: Medlybumpkis very cleftyshop. . .

G: That's not the way Mommy goes (in a sing-song teasing tone).

AC: That's the way I'm going.

J: Flengleshale resdify ability trait. . .

(I turn right at the light)

G: See, I told you to turn left at the light!

AC: That was a right turn, G.

G: Yeah, a left turn at the light.

J: One day I'm going to get this game down and farnagle my doppidy, Aunt Chelle.

Now I'd like to leave you with a little reminder to read To Kill a Mockingbird, if you haven't yet:

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