Shaddup Already!


25 millimeters long

I just got back from the ododontist from having a root canal. I'm not going to say they're fun, but the actual procedure isn't too bad, really. It's the after the novacaine wears off that is hell.

Anyway, I like this guy. He's hispanic and speaks with an accent. I was enjoying listening to what he said because it was so cute.

Just before he was going to numb my mouth, he and the assistant were talking about the weather. He looked out the window of his second floor office and said:

"Look, there's a cheepmunk."

I couldn't figure out what he meant at first, but then he pointed it out,

"See it? A cheepmunk."

I totally bought into this, even though I know chipmunks are not that common in this area of Florida and the only place I've ever seen them is on the ground, not in a couple of palm trees. So I looked out the window to where he was pointing and there it was. . .

a cheepmunk.

I didn't have the heart to correct him, so I just smiled inwardly everytime he started looking out the window for a 'cheepmunk.'

Then I was laughing because this guy apologizes for everything:

I'm sorry, there's going to be lots of pressure, a little pinch. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, going through the crown, lots of pressure, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, have to change the drill, going through the gold, I'm sorry, lots of pressure. Very nice crown. Since it's so nice, thick layers, lots of pressure, I'm sorry.

Your root is long, I'm sorry, very long, lots of pressure, I'm sorry.

This went on for the entire procedure. I thought it was cute considering I was paying him to do everything he was apologizing for.

Then I got shocking news. Seriously shocking news. First, this office uses the coolest technology. They take their x-rays with a computer system. So as soon as the picture is snapped, there's all the private parts of your tooth as big as day on a computer screen next to the chair.

I want one of those for my home. Seriously.

So they did the first pictures, then when the procedure was almost complete, they had to take some more pictures--I guess to make sure all the infected tissue was gone. They had to take two pictures because my roots are so long.

Now I don't want to brag, but I have pretty extraordinary roots. And now I have concrete proof.

Throughout the procedure the doctor was commenting on how long my roots were. When the second set of x-rays were done, he took out whatever instrument was in the tooth and measured it.

That's a long root! 25 millimeters! The average person only has 17-20 millimeters! Your root is really long!

I had no idea. Actually my regular dentist did comment on the length of my roots when I first went to him and had a full mouth x-ray. I kind of brushed it off as something he says to everyone--you know, "you look well these days, and man, your roots are really long!"

Now I know he wasn't just exercising his chairside personality.

For your edification (I really like that word), 25 mm is approximately one inch. Look at your tooth #20 and guesstimate the length of your root. Go ahead, I dare you!

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