Shaddup Already!
2006-01-01
Connie
I finally got Connie's memorial shelf set up. It was good for me to do hers first.See, I lost both Connie and Destiny in the same month--2/2/04 and 2/25/04, respectively. I have always felt somewhat bad that the loss of Destiny seemed to overshadow the loss of Connie. Everyone seemed to connect Destiny to me, so her death was the one that hit other people the hardest.
As far as I was concerned, I missed and mourned for my kitty, but it was different from the loss of Destiny. Connie always preferred to be in the background. She never really wanted attention drawn to herself, so it seemed reasonable to have that same attitude in death. I felt like I was giving her respect by letting her memory fade to the background.
Let me make it clear, though, that her memory has never been gone or lessened, just further back.
I also never knew Connie's birthday, so I will light Destiny's memorial candle on her birthdate and on her death date. I only light Connie's on her death date.
While I know that Connie knows how much I love her, I have always felt a tad bit bad about not lighting her candle as much.
So I decided to set up her memorial before Destiny's. I'm really glad I did. I kind of thought I would do Connie's and then do Destiny's tonight as well. I've changed my mind on that.
I got to spend some time looking through photos and remembering the old times. Then I found myself talking to her and telling her how much I miss her still. Once I got it all done, I lit her candle.
This has been a really emotional journey, but one I needed to take. So now I'm beginning to see that my procrastination in setting up the memorial was more than just procrastination. I guess I really wasn't ready to do it yet.
I'm happy with how it turned out and glad that I have a place to put things that remind me of her. It happens from time to time--I'll find a little something that screams out Connie, now I'll have a home for those items.
