Shaddup Already!
2005-04-02
Squealing, screaming, girly-girl
My goddamned fucking cat, Boo-fucking-Radley, just brought a goddamned fucking dead snake into my goddamned fucking house.I'm a pretty calm fucking person, but I could not bring myself to touch a fucking dead snake. Snakes don't scare me, but there was something fucking creepy about the way it's fucking eyes were still looking quite fucking alive.
I couldn't get fucking Boo away from his fucking prey fucking long enough to figure out what the fuck to do. Fuck!
So I finally turned into a fucking cartoon character. One of those housewifey people from the cartoons of the 50's and 60's. I got a broom and started swatting at my fucking cat with the fucking broom. He still wouldn't leave the fucking snake alone.
So I grabbed a piece of fucking cardboard, all the while a string of fucking obscenities are leaving my mouth, and I swept the snake onto the cardboard.
About half way to the fucking front door, it fell off the fucking cardboard. I was planning on leaving it in my front yard for the fucking hawk to have, if he so chose, but it ended up just outside my front door. Still looking pretty fucking alive. That was what was creeping me out--how fucking alive it looked. Fuck!
Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have wanted them to bring a live snake in the house because then I would have had to chase it down, but this live appearing snake carcass was just freaking me out. Plus I felt sorry for the thing. I kept apologizing to it and yelling obscenities at my fucking cat.
Now Scout is rubbing on my leg with her mouth--I know she was chewing on a snake with that mouth moments ago. Fuck!
