Shaddup Already!
2005-02-01
Connie 1992--2/2/2004
Dear Connie,You died a year ago tomorrow. I miss you more than I can say.
I still remember the day you adopted me. I walked into animal control looking for a female kitten. They led me to the kitten room, which was full at the time. There was one brown tiger kitty, with ears way too big for her body, staring me down.
I really wanted a girl kitty and you looked like a boy to me. So I asked to see two other kitties before you. You kept staring and staring. Your eyes never broke their intense gaze into my face. Both of those kittens were boys, so I asked about you.
I was surprised to find out you were a girl, but I knew at that moment you were mine. The deal was sealed when the lady put you in my arms. You immediately started purring and didn't stop for 3 days.
When you were a baby, you liked to snuggle up against my neck. That's when I started calling you Snugglepuss. Remember?
You liked to blend into the background, so you didn't really mind when Destiny got the attention from people coming over. All you cared about was my love--which you always had.
We were good for each other. You loved me in spite of my young stupidity. I loved you in spite of your fearful biting.
I can't believe you are gone. I will never forget taking you to the emergency clinic on February 1st. You couldn't breathe. I knew in my heart you weren't going to make it. I think you told me in some way.
I still regret not telling you goodbye. The experience was a blur. They wanted to keep you overnight and treat your collapsed lung. They had taken you to the back when we first got there. When the plans for treatment were made, I didn't ask to see you. I didn't know why. Now I think it would have been admitting that you were going to die. That was too much for my heart to take.
I have quit asking why you had to die. Now I know it was just your time. I used to wonder if I did something wrong, but I have come to terms with cat's lung spontaneously collapsing. I had never heard of it before, but now I know it is fairly common.
What I won't come to terms with is how much I miss you. There will always be a Connie-shaped hole in my heart. In time the edges will heal, so it's not so jagged, but the empty space will always be there.
I hope you're in a place outside that's quiet, without children, dogs (except Destiny) or other cats and a sunny spot to lie in. I hope that, even though you're no longer beside me, you can feel my love.
a Cute face that hid
an Old soul. from that first day,
you kNew i needed you.
you Never let me down.
I love you,
snugglEpuss.
