Shaddup Already!


New Shoes

I got new shoes yesterday. Since I have *ahem* special needs feet I must wear name brand shoes. Although generic brand medications tend to be just as effective as name brand medications, shoes are not the same. One cannot find proper support within a Payless shoe. Alas, I have very high maintenance feet.

This level of maintenance does not really get along with my current level of income. Since I have delayed my new career indefinitely, I must work within a public school teacher's salary from a state that is near the bottom in teacher's pay. This means I shop at the Finish Line.

I shop there because they have a frequent buyer's program and I can usually find decent New Balance shoes on clearance. So I went in yesterday with a $30 budget and a gleam of hope in my eye.

I walked to the clearance area and was dismayed to find the only shoes under $30 were Phat Farms and Adidas. Oh my. These are extremely popular shoes among the middle school set and I have no desire to be considered "pimpin'" by my students.

See, I discovered two and a half years ago (at the beginning of my teaching career) that if I wore my New Balances

I would garner the sighs of children understanding that their teacher is a hopeless, old fogie. My dears, that is the exact reputation I want to have with my students. Truly. I certainly don't want to be fasionable in their eyes. Have you seen what kids are wearing these days?

Beyond that, I really hate the slang usage for the word "pimp." Primarily because my kids don't understand what a pimp is.

Me: A pimp is a criminal.

Student: Is not!

Me: I realize you are using it as a slang term, but under the true definition, a pimp engages in certain illegal activities.

Student: What illegal activities?

Me: Well, what do you think a pimp is?

Student: He's a guy who's all blinged out, ya know? Gold chains, furs, lots of women.

Me: Do you know why they have lots of women? Because they are selling women. That's right, they provide protection for these women--which means only they can beat them up--in exchange for almost all of the money these women earn for selling sex. That's right, sex. You know what that is, right? That would a 'ho. Just for your edification, Ms. Teacherlady will be taking up the 'ho career soon. However, Ms. Teacherlady will only be a freelance 'ho. And that is why I don't want to be called a pimp.

At any rate, I looked over the shoes and decided I most definitely would not be caught dead in the plastic, see-through Phat Farms. Even if I wanted to be trendy, these were some butt ugly shoes. So I moved on to the Adidas.

They fit so nicely that I decided I might actually be able to wear these shoes to work without vomiting.

I am concerned, however, because there is a certain amount of blingage involved in these shoes. For starters, they are covered in certain areas with a silver mesh. There is also a silver covered plastic charm and silver covered plastic lace holes. However, the most exciting part of bling is the silver aglets. Never again shall I wear shoes with laces that end in plastic. Oh no, it's only the best for me now--silver aglets. I am absolutely sure that these bling-blings are pure, unadulterated silver colored cheap metal amalgamation of some sort.

Behold, the glory of my new shoes:

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