Shaddup Already!
2004-09-18
I'm a mess
I don't know why this is surprising me, and I guess surprise isn't exactly the right word. Anyway, my depression is causing me havoc. I'm very severely depressed today. I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I know why it is, but it doesn't help when all I want to do is sleep or run away. Hopefully the panic attacks won't come back before I have a chance to get to my doctor.I pretty much predicted this happening, but it doesn't make it any easier. About 6 1/2 months ago my cat and dog died. These were the pets I'd had my entire adult life. It just happens that 6 months is about the time it takes for stressful situations to take their full toll. Having a shitload of hurricanes hasn't helped any either.
I'm going to bed now. Maybe I'll cry a little too. Right now I'm feeling very bad about little Charlie. Kind of like I failed him somehow. I hate my brain chemistry sometimes. It makes it hard to know what feelings are reasonable and which ones are exacerbated by brain.
